Todavia. August 12, 2008.

My second tango anniversary is approaching. Still learning, working on improving the dance. Still going to milongas, dancing with old partners, and new ones. Still having the usual ups and downs.

Working with my primary teacher has become a routine, and been quite productive. He is also my only regular practice partner nowadays. I appreciate having him in that capacity.

One point of concentration for me right now is my posture and axis.
With the teacher, due to our height difference (or lack thereof), I am still struggling with finding the right head position, comfortable for him and myself, allowing me to follow effectively, to have a nice straight posture, and to keep my balance. With others, who are most of the time taller than I am, the struggle becomes more about how I hold my torso.

In general, slowing down, delaying the response, moving my feet smoothly, shifting my weight more slowly do wonders for my follow. I will keep concentrating on that.
In the last lesson, the teacher mentioned that when he releases me a little in the embrace, I have to take longer step. I also have to remember the inner edge rule, and turning the foot more out for better balance.

Last week I took a group lesson with G. His instructions have proved to be extremely useful for me in the past. And this time, again. I like the way he presents and explains things. For example, while talking about the walk, he suggested thinking of the standing leg as the force pushing the whole body up, like a spring. I have to keep pushing up, supporting the body all the way through the movement. So, when the other foot lands, I don't fall on it. Keeping the springiness in the standing leg provides the soft, smooth and silent landing.

Also, upon leading me, he noticed that I was collapsing my core while going backward. That gives a feeling of my going away from my partner, not being present enough, the embrace emptying. I have to hold the torso up with my core muscles, as if filling the partner's right arm, to provide a nice feedback.

Will that imagery help me to finally get rid of my bad habit of arching my back? I really hope so.

So far, the first tip about the standing leg has worked very well. I am not so sure about the second one, is what I am trying to do is working and feeling the way it is supposed to. But I certainly became more aware of my collapsing and losing the connection on some turns, and I will try to eliminate that.

I have to add mandatory abs and lats exersises into my fitness routine.

Unfortunately, I tend to collapse the body when I am in the zone, but I guess taking care of that will just be a matter of time and training.

Right now I feel my dancing is changing, and the positive changes manifest themselves here and there, inconsistently. Moreover, good moments made me more aware of the not-so-good ones that now feel even worse by comparison. It is like I already had a glimpse of what I can do, but so far I am not given the full grip on it. That said, I just have to be patient, focus on the positive, on things that go well, and not get frustrated over my inabilities.

On a social front, I decided to give myself a break. Figuratively, not literally. I think I have to become a little more selfish. It is time to remember that I did not sign up to be a super hero in this life. I am a mere human, with many human weaknesses. I have to remind myself that if something does not feel right, it is not necessarily always my fault. And that it is OK to avoid certain people if they make me feel bad. I do not have to face the challenges all the time, and deal with them whenever. Sometimes it is OK to flash the water down. To let go.