Addiction. Getting Worse. Posted on 07.04.2007

I have tangoed six nights in a row. I must take a break tonight. I have to firmly tell myself that there is no way I can be at every interesting milonga, at every tango party or practica that is currently happening. So I will stay in tonight, watch some TV, finish a book, pamper my feet, review my private lesson, sort out some stuff in my head.

So much happened in those six nights. My very first tango festival kickoff. Happily, everything is taking place practically in my backyard. Four big milongas, from Thursday to Sunday, left me happy, and my feet totally exhausted. The usual Monday practica, where I finally had a chance to dance with the guy who once saved my tango life. And this time it was, in a way, no less salvatory. I lately promised myself not to entertain any great hope about anyone, but dancing with him felt so great. I caught myself on the thoughts that he might become no one else but my ideal partner in the future.

I had several beautiful tandas with my Southern Tango Sweetheart. It is really nice of him spending so much time with me. I enjoyed a lot his warm and tender embrace. I will miss it. But I have to look on the bright side. Next time he is in town, I will be dancing even better. I have to tell him that before we part.

The tall and handsome local leader was very nice to me. Again, like at the Monday practica, I got a kick out of his milonga. Unfortunately, it was already my fourth night, and I was dead tired. My feet were numb, my back hurt. I hope he didn't awfully mind my dancing.

Had some nice dancing with my ex-partner. Fortunately for me, tango is like that -- whatever feelings I cannot communicate with words, I can express in dancing. But honestly, I ought to have a serious talk with myself. I need to focus on what needs to be done, on practicing and improving. Thoughts about what happens with other people, whether they like me or not, and for what reason, should not distract me from my goals. It is simply none of my concern anymore. Nor my problem.
I don't have to justify myself. I have to move on, and tune out all negative vibes. There is a lot of beautiful stuff going on still, and I have to try not to ruin it for some petty things.

I think I will make a quick note reviewing what I worked during my private lesson. First of all, walk. There is no need to reach backward with the moving leg. That makes me arch the small of the back and break my posture, when I am doing so. Instead, I should concentrate on using my standing leg more, using the floor, pushing into the floor. Same, in the ochos, there is no reaching backward, no sticking the leg out prematurely, but there is an energetic, grounded pivot and push before stepping. The leg goes back freely, relaxed, that will enable me to do a nice boleo if the interruption occurs...

To be honest, I cannot wait to go back to a milonga, and dance some more. Also, looking forward to another private lesson that is coming somewhere next week. My tango will get better, I will have even more fun.
So exciting.

Update. My tango, apparently, got better by the next visit of the Southern Sweetheart some 6 months later. To my surprise, that time I was not as enchanted with his dancing skills as before. It still was nice to see him, and dance with him, though. He did a very important thing for my tango, and in a very right moment. For that, I will ever be grateful.

My tango savior did not become my partner, and I do not believe that will ever happen. He is still one of my absolute favorites. The more I learn, the more I appreciate his dancing. I always look forward to dancing with him. He is also being an amazing friend. A great person all around.

I still need to re-read one particular paragraph of this entry from time to time. It is not always easy to stay focused and clear from emotional stuff. But I guess, that, too, is part of fun.